Finding the Sweet Spot of Your Home and Life
What is the purpose of this podcast? To teach people about the Sweet Spot, Routines and how to make it better by personality.
Live intro with hook - Hello my lovelies. Today we’re talking about The Sweet Spots in your home and your life and Personality, and when you figure this one thing out, your life transforms in so many ways. For those who don’t know me, I’m Karen Bemmes, your host, personality expert and personal development lover, and today we’re diving into a topic that changed my life in more ways than I can tell you, but suffice it to say, that without this incredibly simple but powerful concept, I would not be the person that I am today, and, if anything in this podcast resonates with you, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast player.
For those who are new to the podcast, when I talk about personalities, communication and relationships, I use the DISC personality model of behavior and refer to people as D or Driven, I or Inspired, S or Supportive, and C or Cautious. You can find links to take your own Personality Assessment in the Show Notes.
So what does the sweet spot have to do with any of this? A lot, so let’s get to it. To start, if you know sports, you know about the sweet spot. It’s the place on the ball, bat, stick or playing field where all of your training comes together, and everything works together seamlessly. There’s no better feeling as an athlete than finding the sweet spot.
People also call the sweet spot “being in the zone”. It’s where you perform effortlessly, and while it takes training to get there, when you do get there, it feels amazing. Believe it or not, the same thing applies to taking care of your home and creating a fantastic life. The difference with your life is that the sweet spot can change, but when you know how to find it, you can adapt with the flow of life and prevent getting knocked off kilter when things invariably do change.
Today we’re going to start with talking about the sweet spot of your home for several reasons. You see, I work with several at home entrepreneurs, and their home can be a source of huge stress for them because when they’re working, they feel like they are neglecting their home and family, and when they’re caring for their home and family, they can feel like they are neglecting their work and career. The problem then becomes that neither gets your full attention and both get slighted because of your split energy.
That sometimes leads to women entrepreneurs telling me that they don’t care about the state of their home, but when you ask them how they would feel if someone they respected showed up at their home, unannounced, seeing the public areas of their home, you get the real answer about how they feel.
The Driven women are angry because they don’t like those kinds of surprises. The I women are embarrassed, but they will invite the person in and make excuses while feeling mortified and will beat themselves up mentally later. The S women may hide behind a curtain and not even answer the door because they’re so embarrassed about the state of their home they couldn’t bear for someone to see it, and the C women are angry because the person showed up without proper time for them to make the home presentable, and if they answer the door, which is unlikely, they will not be welcoming, all of which tells me that having that type of home situation isn’t what they want, and I’ve seen it literally be the reason that people avoid their business because of their house situation. So let’s fix that.
Listen, if you’re a person who struggles with keeping up with your home, I am not here to judge you, I promise. I’m someone who struggles with this to this day, but finding the sweet spot will completely change things for you, I promise. Why? Because I know what it is to look around and wonder where the heck to start because everything feels like it needs attention, and that sucks because overwhelm is an action killer. Knowing the sweet spot gives you a starting spot, and the more you pay attention to it, the better things get. It’s weird and wonderful and life changing, I promise.
Now, if you’re someone who keeps a pretty tidy home but feels overwhelmed if things get out of order, finding the sweet spot will help you too because it helps you find peace before the chaos overwhelms you. You’ll be able to communicate what needs to be done with your family and your sweet spot becomes a place of peace rather than tension, plus it helps take the mental load off of you if the family knows what to address as well, so how do you find it?
Well, here’s how I found mine. When we moved into our house in 2002, we had boxes everywhere for weeks, and I wondered if we would ever sit down to dinner together in our new home. I remember thinking if I could just get the kitchen table cleared, everything else would fall into place, and when I did, everything did fall into place…temporarily.
I’m telling you, it felt like there was a clutter and paper magnet in that table, and as soon as I would get it clear, more clutter and paper piles would pop up, and it was maddening. I wanted to cry, and I did, several times because I truly thought moving into a bigger house would solve our clutter problem, but I was wrong, and during that time, I truly thought it was some kind of personality defect (more on that later), but what I eventually learned was that in my home, the sweet spot is my kitchen table. I know, it doesn’t sound so sweet, but stay with me.
One of the most interesting lessons I learned is that the sweet spot both represents and reflects how my life is going at any given time. If my life feels cluttered and overwhelming, you can bet that the table is filled with clutter and paper piles. If I feel clear headed, hopeful and energetic, the table is clear or mostly clear.
I often wondered if the table was a reflection of my life or an indication of it, and then I figured it doesn’t matter which it is. It doesn’t matter whether the clutter and paper cause my overwhelm or my overwhelm causes the clutter and paper pile because once it happens, if I don’t deal with it, the two seem to feed on each other and make each situation worse.
What I finally came to grips with was the idea that as wonderful as it feels to see the sweet spot clean and clear, it doesn’t stay that way, especially if you have a family. I know that may sound discouraging and defeatist, but it’s not because if you understand the impermanent nature of the clear space, you can actually embrace the idea that the clutter and paper piles are temporary and manageable too. How cool is that? For me that was a game changer, and if you have trouble believing this because you’ve got messes or piles that seem to be unending, I have some great news for you because I know the secrets to dealing with them too.
First, we accept that nothing in life stays the same. I know for you C personalities who are not fond of change, that’s a tough pill to swallow, but understand that we bathe regularly to stay clean and do laundry regularly to have clean clothes. We mow grass regularly to keep the yard nice and get haircuts to keep ourselves looking presentable. The sweet spot works the same way because it requires regular maintenance to stay clean and clear. In short, it needs a plan.
So what’s the plan? Here’s the best part for all personality types. The sweet spot, when attended to regularly, changes your life in the best way. In my case, I spend a few moments putting things away and dealing with the paperwork that piles up on my kitchen table most days. Then, I wipe down my table and it looks amazing. I’m talking about a 5 minute time investment here, friends, and I know the Driven and Inspired personalities love that, while the Supportive and Cautious personalities are skeptical about that, but I promise you it’s true. There are still occasions where the piles get ahead of me during busy days or weeks, but with The Magic of Fifteen Minutes, which is another tactic I use so very often in my life, the table is almost always clear enough to serve dinner without looking over piles of paper while we eat.
What’s even better is that when I’m cranky and overwhelmed and don’t know why. I look at my table and know that if I see piles they are practically screaming for attention. I then set my timer for 15 minutes and get to work. The results are usually pretty astounding as I purge, put away, and recycle, and feel my mood shift for the better. It feels like magic because it’s so simple and powerful, and yet I marvel at the impact every time I set the timer and see what kind of results they bring. Then I’m reminded again every time I walk into the room
There’s another blessing in the sweet spot, and this one was a little more difficult for my people oriented brain and personality to embrace. Those piles and that clutter represent procrastination and unmade decisions. I fully understood the procrastination part, but the unmade decisions was new to me. That’s where the beauty of the timer comes in. For a recent example, this year we changed insurance companies for the first time in nearly a decade. I have two family members who take multiple life saving medications, so it’s quite the job to make sure everything gets taken care of, including updating paperwork for my youngest son’s medical binder.
We spent an entire afternoon on the phone with the insurance company, the specialty pharmacy, his doctor’s office and a copay assistance program, just to make sure that all of his meds were ready for shipment. Fun fact, my son detests talking on the phone, so several hours on the phone is not the way he would want to spend an afternoon. Afterward, I had changes to add to his medical information, and I let that binder sit for weeks because I felt like I didn’t have the time to get things done. Could I make my son do it? Yes, but he struggles with procrastination more than I do, and I didn’t even know which file to update because it had been nearly a decade since we had changed providers. By not addressing it, though, piles started growing around the binder, and I struggled because of it, so one day, I grabbed the binder and decided to finally update the paperwork, and guess what? Everything seemed to get easier, including getting the table cleared off. Duh!
So, here’s some other things that happened when I addressed this situation. A business that I run with my son had been stagnant regarding income for several days, and the money started flowing again. My mood had been “off”, and I started feeling better. Other areas of my home started to get cluttered, and afterward I started to automatically clear them off almost without thinking. Yes, you could put all of that down to coincidence, but I prefer to think of if as opening a space in a dam of clutter, and when one area was cleared away, it made way for more areas to break away and be clear as well, and my home feels so much lighter and brighter and happy, and I’ll take that any day of the week.
So, have you figured out your home’s sweet spot yet? It may be the same as mine, or it may be different. The woman I learned this concept from didn’t call it a sweet spot. She called it something else, and for her, it was her kitchen sink. That clean sink was like a beacon for her, but after trying it her way for months, things weren’t getting better in my home, so I sat down and asked myself what part of my home was bothering me the most, and that was an easy answer, the kitchen table, but my sweet spot may not be the same as yours.
I have a friend who’s sweet spot is their kitchen island. For another, it’s her entry area. Others have found that it’s something entirely different like cleaning out their purse or car. The cool part is that it doesn’t matter what that spot is as long as you find it and begin making positive changes by addressing it. I even know someone who’s bedside table is their sweet spot, and it was delightful to find out that she even slept better when the table was cleared off.
I’m telling you, I feel so great when I walk into my kitchen and see that clear table. I feel accomplished and inspired to do even more, and I encourage you to find that place for yourself. Figure out the one place in your home that makes you smile the most when it’s under control and/or causes the most stress when it’s out of control. In my previous home, it was my entry area to my home because when my children walked in the door, they dropped everything right there and no amount of nagging changed anything. Know what did? Very large baskets. One was for shoes and one was for backpacks, jackets and coats. It wasn’t perfect, but it kept the entry area clear of clutter and that was good enough for me.
Initially, it might take more than 15 minutes to address your sweet spot fully, but I strongly suggest limiting yourself to 15 minutes at a time or even 15 minutes per day at the beginning to prevent overwhelm depending on your personality. Driven personalities, I know you’re going to git ‘er done, as they say, so you do you boo. Inspired personalities, you think you can get it all done in an hour tops, but trust me when I tell you that you, more than any other personality type, will benefit from the 15 minute time limit. That way, you won’t wind up in your bedroom with a mardi gras mask and fake nails on when you planned to clear off your kitchen table. If you’ve seen the meme, you know exactly what I’m talking about. For the Supportive personality, you know you’re probably going to be interrupted at some point, and the great thing is that this is a wonderful way for you to practice setting a boundary by telling whoever interrupted you that you’re in the middle of something and will circle back with them when your timer goes off. That way, you blame the timer rather than yourself or the other person. And for the C personality, you could spend all day going through the pile that might be there, and so that your natural perfectionism doesn’t get the best of you, you need a timer to know when to stop and change gears. You may not like it, but it will truly help you keep your sanity and not go down a rabbit hole to the detriment of other areas of your life.
Most importantly remember this; your sweet spot probably didn’t get messed up in 15 minutes, so it probably won’t get completely cleared up in the first 15 minute session you focus on it. If it does, great. If not, be patient and pace yourself. You are building a habit as much as you are clearing a space, so please be kind to yourself about it because building the habit is so much more important than the actual clear space. I know the task oriented D and C types understand this implicitly, so I’m speaking more to the people oriented I and S types.
If you’ve got this one thing figured out, then you can extrapolate it to the rest of your home, life and business. What do I mean by that? My lovely, this is where things really get good. Once you figure out the main sweet spot, you create some momentum. Then, you learn that every room in your home has a sweet spot, and before you get discouraged by that, I promise that the momentum that happens with your main sweet spot for the house is multiplied when you figure out the sweet spot in each room. After that, you can apply the same principle to your business too.
Here’s how: One of the things I’ve always struggled with in my business is keeping up with my finances, and I know that costs me revenue. One day I was listening to a business coach, and she started talking about scheduling CEO time where you work on your business rather than in it. As a content creator and coach, sometimes we get so caught up in the daily to dos of what we do that we neglect to take care of those things until deadlines are looming in our face, like filing taxes or paying bills. What CEO time does is that it carves out time to do the things we keep saying we’ll get around to but we procrastinate because everything seems more urgent right now.
Ideally, I like to do this on Friday, but when I first started doing this, it seemed like every Friday something would come up, and I couldn’t get to it, so I moved it to Monday, and that didn’t work well either because I avoided going into my office to get started, and then I realized it wasn’t the method or the day that was wrong. It was me. Because it wasn't something I enjoyed (hello Inspired personality issue) I was avoiding it, so I made a deal with myself. I spend 30 minutes on this work every week, ideally Friday but definitely before the weekend is over. That gives me 3 days to address what is arguably the most challenging task for me in my business success, and if I make it to Sunday without addressing it, I call in the reinforcements, aka my husband who sits by my side while I work through it. That may sound like madness to others, but body doubling has always worked for me, so, until I can hire a full time VA to help me deal with these issues, I’m using what works for me and having as much fun as I possibly can with it.
Now here’s the really interesting part. One day, while going through this work, I realized what the sweet spot of my business is…connection. I have found my best clients when I go to live events, and I just meet people. We talk about business and what we do, and before you know it, I’ve found another client because they get to know, like and trust me. Suddenly my avoidance of the CEO part of my business made sense, because it shows me that the more live events I attend the better my business goes, and that attending to the CEO parts of my business makes it so I can attend more of those live events and have as much fun as possible in the process. DUH!
Your results may be wildly different, but give the CEO time a try, especially if you struggle in your business or want to take it to the next level. Ask yourself what makes you come alive in your business and makes it feel like time passes without you ever knowing it. That’s the sweet spot, so how do you do more of it, and how do you deal with the less attractive parts of your business so you can do more of what you love?
This can also apply to relationships, so let’s take a quick look at that too. If you’ve listened to the podcast for a while, you know that I am outgoing and my husband is reserved. I love people, socializing and connection, and he prefers quiet time and staying home. We deal with that through my client work and going to lunch with friends, and him chauffeuring me to parties so I don’t have to park and walk to and from my car alone. We know that’s not for everyone, but it works for us. One Driven friend of mine who works from home gets 30 minutes after her children go to bed of no one touching her or asking her for anything. Her husband happily obliges because after that she’s much happier and calmer, so she can be the best version of her with her husband. Again, it might not work for everyone, but it works for them.
In the case of relationships, it’s so cool to find the sweet spot of the relationship. In my case, it’s where fun and peace come together, and when the relationship is in that sweet spot, we laugh a lot, have a ton of fun and live our absolute best couple life. For a few couples I know that share the Driven personality traits, teasing, banter and debate is a sweet spot for them. If two people share an S trait, they may do charity work together, and if they share the Cautious or C trait, they may spend an entire weekend cleaning out the garage and finding that incredibly fulfilling.
So, do you see yourself or someone you love in all of this? I’ll bet you do, and if you would like to get or suggest help for someone else, I’ve got a great opportunity coming your way at the end of March. A while back, I created something called the Whole Home Reset, and I’ll be re-releasing that program at the end of the month, starting with a Six Day Sprint to get our homes and ourselves ready for Easter weekend for those who celebrate, and for those who don’t, it’s a great way to get ready for April and spring.
Each day we’ll focus on one area of the house and move as quickly as we can through it, and I promise you, if you dedicate 15 minutes per day to the practice, you will see progress and feel so much better about your home, possibly starting day one. To get more information on that, go to the Moving Toward Better homepage and join our email community. That way, you’ll get the most up to date info in your inbox.
If you want to get started right now to find the sweet spot in your business or relationships, we can do that too. Go to the Moving Toward Better homepage and click on the take my assessment button. After you do that, schedule a Personality Session from that same page, and we’ll get you started on that journey too.
So, are you ready to find the sweet spot in your home, your business and your relationships so you can be a more powerful presence in the world? I hope you are, and I will cheer you on as you do this at whatever pace works for you. If you need some help with that, again, go to the Moving Toward Better homepage and take the steps that make sense for you.
As always, if you like what you’ve heard, please share and subscribe.
Until next time, keep moving toward better, whatever that looks like for you.
Show Notes
It’s amazing that for many women entrepreneurs, especially those who work from home, have homes that hold them back, but there’s a solution for that, and it’s called finding the Sweet Spot. It’s a simple thing to do that can make a huge difference in the energy in your home and your life. Have a listen and give it a try.
I participate in the Amazon Associate and Influencer programs which means if you make a purchase, I may earn a commission at no additional cost to you.
Thanks for listening, and if you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share so others can benefit from it too.
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