How to Receive Love Better
What is the purpose of this podcast? To deep dive into understanding others’ way of loving us and appreciate it for what it is and work toward a thought
Live intro with hook - Hello my lovelies. Today we’re diving into the topic of receiving love better, which is something we don’t really talk about, at least in the US. We spend a lot of time on learning how to love others, and sometimes how to love ourselves, but I rarely hear people talk about learning to be a better receiver because for most of us we’re taught it is better to give than receive, but unless we learn to receive better, we can waste the time and effort of those who are giving to us, so grab a cup of your favorite beverage, sit back and get ready to learn some valuable nuggets about learning to receive love better, even if the idea makes you cringe a bit. Also, if anything here resonates, be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast player, which I’ve included in the show notes.
For those who are new to the podcast, when I talk about personalities, I use the DISC personality model of behavior and refer to people as D or Driven, I or Inspired, S or Supportive, and C or Cautious. You can find links to Personality Assessments in the Show Notes.
For each personality type, learning to receive better will look a little different, but when you listen to the suggestions for each personality type you might learn a bit about those you care about too.
Starting with the Driven personality, a couple of weeks ago, in the episode about Valentine Gifts by Personality and Love Language, I talked about how the D personality is not usually a fan of what we know as typically romantic gestures. Unless a Driven woman has specifically said they love flowers and/ or chocolates, it’s not something that will be well received.
One of the D woman’s superpowers is the ability to express what she wants, but it’s best to do that before someone gives you a gift that you are less than thrilled with, or, if it has already happened, wait to speak about it so as not to ruin a loving gesture and damage a relationship, because, my friend, it is so much easier to build on a good relationship than to prepare a damaged one, and while you might have no qualms with someone telling you right away if they don’t like a gift that you give them, the other personality types aren’t always as detached as you are.
Let me explain. When my youngest was about 3 years old, his favorite color was green. While she was shopping, my mother in law found a snowman ornament with a green outfit on, and she gave it to my son as a gift. She was so excited to give it to him, and when she did, he showed absolutely zero enthusiasm, and when my mother in law pointed out that she got it for him because it was green, his favorite color, his response was, Well, it's the wrong color green, which cracked us all up.
From a three year old, that’s a hilarious response. From an older person, it just comes off as rude, and if the person is important to a Driven person, it behooves them not to be quite as direct. That said, I will say that timing is everything with this type of thing, and if you want to see things go more to your liking, try this. A few weeks before the gift giving opportunity, say something about the types of things you would like and why you like them more than the things you don’t want. It doesn’t assure that you’ll get what you want, but with you, it’s all about control and choices, and if you offer choices of gifts that you would like to get, you allow the gift giver to give you something you really want, which is a loving gesture for yourself and them and builds a way to help them love you better which allows you the opportunity to receive their love in a way that serves you both. Better yet, if you have someone in your life that loves to give you gifts, and they have given you things you’d rather not have again, make a list of 5-10 gifts you would like and give them the chance to pick something to surprise you without surprising you too much.
For example, if you like comedy, write down tickets to a comedy show but maybe not for a specific person on a specific date. I hope that makes sense.
Moving on to the I personality, you love to be loved. In fact, rejection is the thing you dislike most, so to make your relationships and love the best it can be, learning to love yourself is one of the ways to fully enhance your ability to give and receive love in the most amazing ways.
You love your people. There’s no doubt about that, but sometimes you look to them to make you feel good about yourself, and when that happens, it can be devastating because expecting anyone to love you in a certain way is a setup for disappointment. Learning how to receive love better for you starts with you, and that can be an interesting journey for the outgoing, people oriented I personality, especially if you have familial and/or parental rejection in your past, but that’s a subject that is a bit too deep for today.
Today we’re going to suffice it to say that learning to love yourself just as you are is the best gift you can give yourself, because when you incorporate that, you’ll receive the love you get so much better and be able to navigate any type of perceived rejection better. You can build genuine and authentic relationships with people who appreciate and love you for who you are whether you are being your most entertaining self or not.
For the Supportive personality, you tend to be the most loving personality type when it comes to giving love but you often struggle to accept love because you feel undeserving or guilty for accepting love for yourself when there are so many you feel might need it more. There are countless stories of S personality types who are caregivers to the point of becoming sick themselves. There are countless stories of S type moms who are lost when their mothering days are over because they’ve spent so much of their lives being the person that everyone could count on to drop everything and do what their loved ones wanted. These supportive souls never learned to carve out time for themselves, and there’s a reason I remind S women that a solo shower or trip to the grocery can feel like a break, but loving yourself means so much more. So does receiving love.
Learning to receive love better for you, as I’ve mentioned before, might need to start small for the S personality, like coloring with your children for 15 minutes before you start dinner, reading a few pages of an adult book after your children go to bed, painting your nails or even better, getting a manicure or pedicure from someone else. Hint - if finances are an issue, local vocational schools often have days when the students practice on the public and the prices to have spa services are so much less than going to the actual spa, which can be a blessing to the Supportive person who struggles to spend money on herself, and it helps someone in the process, so that’s like a double bonus.
I happen to have two dear friends who are much wealthier than I am, and years ago they started taking me out to lunch now and then, and I must confess, at first, I felt very guilty about accepting their invitations because I had this idea that I needed to pay for myself. At that time, I really couldn’t afford to go out to lunch, especially to the places we dined, but to this day, I use this as an opportunity to receive graciously, and because I could easily pay for myself now, I give back to others to pay it forward.
Finally, we have the Cautious personality type. You want to do things right, but you may struggle most of all accepting love from others, but remember, my friend, no one is an island. No one is completely self made. We all need other people to get through life, as much as you might like to think otherwise. The key is to make sure that you surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you in the ways you want to be loved and appreciated. You are so good at curating information, and when you apply that wonderful talent to curating your own community, your life will feel like magic. At that point, you’ll realize that accepting love doesn’t make you weak, which can be the way the Cautious personality feels about love, it makes you human, and while you tend to be more along the lines of superhuman, it’s ok to be just human on occasion too and let people love you.
I’ve decided that one of these days I’m going to get my sister in law on this podcast because we have so much that we could discuss about life and different viewpoints because my high C sister in law teaches me so much about the reserved and highly intelligent C people out there. When my sister in law was raising her children, she was so fiercely independent I didn’t understand her at all, but now that I understand personalities, I understand that her challenges included receiving help for anything she thought she should be able to do for herself, I have a very different view of the Cautious personality type and can truly appreciate the detail orientation of the C personality.
My sister in law and I have both grown so much, and while I’ve learned that to give her love means being specific about the things I give or say to her, she’s learned that people can and will do things for you because they love you so much, and it’s never a weakness to receive that kind of love or help.
No matter your personality type, receiving love better is about opening your heart to others and letting go of the limiting beliefs that may keep you from love. It’s knowing you’re worthy of love, no matter what your life circumstances. Are you overweight? Worthy of love. Messy house? Worthy of love. Struggling financially? Worthy of love. In truth, one of the best things you can learn in this life is to receive and accept love graciously.
So keep growing and learning and embracing the love that comes your way, and if you want to give yourself or someone else a great Valentine’s Day gift, consider the book the Self-Love Journal for Women. It’s a book filled with Prompts and Practices to grow your Self-Worth, Self-Care and Self-Acceptance, and for the rest of February, I am running a simple, free challenge to walk women through the prompts and exercises and have the most loving 2024 possible. I’ve included the link to purchase the book in the show notes, pinned it to the top of the feed on the Moving Toward Better Facebook Page and in several posts. It’s a fun challenge that will hopefully help all of us learn to care for ourselves and others better.
Also, if you haven’t yet, go to the Moving Toward Better website, hit that take your assessment button and after you do, schedule your Personalized Personality Strategy Session. While you’re there make sure to join our email community for all the good things to come. Love you all and see you next time!
Show Notes
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, friends. If you want to make sure that you get and give the right gift to the right person, you need to listen to this. That way, you’ll know even better how to thrill those you want to make happy on Valentine’s day or any gift giving day of the year.
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Self Love Journal for Women
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Intro and Outro music licensed from Melody Loops.
