2-1-24 Learning to love yourself in new and better ways
What is the purpose of this podcast? To help people understand how amazing they are and to appreciate themselves more and have them join our email community.
Live intro - Hello my lovelies. Here we are at the very beginning of the month of love, and friends, I’m here for it. I know it seems like there’s a shortage of love right now, and for some people, even seeing love seems to touch off a level of disdain that astounds me. A prime example of that right now is the Kelce family. I will concede that I may have more of an interest in this family because they’re from Ohio, my home state, and the Kelce brothers both attended the University of Cincinnati where two of my children went to college too, although I guarantee that even had they attended there at the same time, my boys and those boys would never have been friends because it’s rare that art kids and jocks are friends, but I digress.
What does this family have to do with love? In my book, everything. Mom Donna and dad Ed lived together rather than divorce for the love of their children. Now, I fully understand that not everyone can do that. In case you didn’t know, I am divorced and so are several of my friends and relatives, but that’s exactly why I know what they were able to do because of their mutual love for their children is extraordinary.
Jason and Kylie Kelce have been married since 2018, and their romance did not start on the best note, and if you haven’t heard that story, you can look it up yourself, but suffice it to say that Jason needs a woman in his life that can handle his big personality, and I think he’s found that in Kylie. Plus, maybe the best part about Jason Kelce is what a devoted and loving dad he is to his three, soon to be four, children.
And then there’s Travis, who is dating Taylor Swift, and I find the reactions to this relationship fascinating. I’m a college and NFL football fan, and I’ve known who Travis Kelce is since he attended the University of Cincinnati because the years that UC has been good in football have been hit and miss, so we remember the good years and the good players. Kansas City fell in love with him as a receiver for the Kansas City Chiefs, but the world now knows him because of his romance with Taylor Swift, and as a fan of love, I’m here for it because that man absolutely lights up when he talks about Taylor, and in a day and age that so many men are shamed for loving and applauding their relationship, both Travis and Jason are open, honest and vulnerable about loving their mom, Jason’s girls, Kylie and Taylor.
What I know about men who love their women well is that in most cases, they have a pretty good amount of self-love even if they aren’t conscious of it, and in the case of the women they love, they have a pretty good dose of self-love too.
So what does any of that have to do with any of us? More than you might think, and we’re going to talk about it using our personalities as the jumping off point.
For those who are new to the podcast, when I talk about personalities, I use the DISC personality model of behavior and refer to people as D or Driven, I or Inspired, S or Supportive, and C or Cautious and we’re going to talk about self-love and personalities. One important thing we often talk about is being in balance and out of balance in terms of personality because that definitely affects how people act and react, so let’s get to it.
For the D personality, they tend to have a pretty healthy amount of self-awareness, self-respect and when you add in a healthy dose of self-love, these are the women who may not have everything in their lives together, (who does?) but in balance, they have their head on straight, know who they are, what they are capable of and will not hesitate to speak up when they deem it necessary.
If others are as in balance as the Driven person, they will flow with them and do extraordinary things. If not, there will be conflict. If it’s another D person, it will be a head to head confrontation that can escalate to epic proportions, possibly including a physical altercation because that’s how the D personality rolls.
If it’s an I personality, the Inspired person will try to diffuse the situation up to a point, and if it goes past that point, you’re probably looking at a very dramatic shouting match.
If it’s an S personality out of balance, the emotional shutdown will be immediate, and if the Supportive person can get away, they will. If not, it’s likely that the D person will get everything off their chest and feel so much better about it, but the S person will walk away wounded, and it will take some time to rebuild the trust that the D person has destroyed in the S personality.
The issue isn’t necessarily that one is right and one is wrong, the issue is that the D person can explode, say lots of things they may not really mean, but once they get everything off their chest, they clear their head and then they can think straight again.
For the S personality, that doesn’t work, and while we’ll talk about that in depth later, for now, suffice it to say that an out of balance S person takes everything you say very personally, whether you mean it or not.
If the conflict is with a C personality, they will try logic and reasoning, but if the D personality is out of balance they will insist on their way and the C personality will dig their heels in and continue to share the information they think proves their point until they see no way to win, and then, like the S personality, they will shut down, but they will not be so forgiving of the D personality’s outburst as the S personality might be. If this is an office situation, the C personality might leave the company, and if it’s a personal relationship, it could very well end that relationship completely.
For the D personality, it’s good to remember that when you’re in balance, your self-love can be misinterpreted as arrogance and for lack of a better term, being full of yourself, but as Oprah Winfrey once said, and I paraphrase here, who better to be full of than yourself? I love that, so remember, you are fully responsible for the energy you bring in a room. You are not responsible for how others perceive your energy.
Can you adapt your energy to the situation if warranted? Of course, but that’s a situation only you can decide, as is working out situations where your energy is misunderstood. Sometimes it will be worth it to smooth things over with others to build better relationships, and other times it’s better to let people be intimidated and/or misunderstand you. Your choice.
With the I personality, you’re a pretty loving person with everyone else but may need to be reminded to guide some of that love your own way. An in balance I personality remembers that but an out of balance I personality can be clingy and jealous, and it’s not a pretty look.
The Inspired person loves being the life of the party, and when they’re in balance, they enjoy the spotlight, but they also are more than willing to let others shine as well. When they’re out of balance, it can be competitive chaos and pandemonium. Think Postcards from the Edge and the relationship between Carrie Fischer and Debbie Reynolds. It could be lots of fun or lots of competitive drama. That’s what happens when two out of balance I personalities clash.
The I personality loves being social, which can overload the S and C personalities, so it behooves the I personality to develop the social awareness to understand when their more reserved friends might be depleted. This is one of the skills I work on because all of my immediate family, except my granddaughter, is more reserved, and it’s earned me the title of my one outgoing friend for more than a few people.
You see, I’ve been to several conferences, and I’ve met so many reserved people, and while they’re not always ones for small talk, having been married to a reserved person for 30 years, I know what to talk about and for how long, most of the time. I’m also very up front with my new reserved friends, letting them know in no uncertain terms that when they’ve had enough peopling, I’m perfectly fine if they leave whatever social situation we’re in as long as I am not their ride or they are not mine without figuring things out first. I love that my friends and roomies are comfortable enough to let me know when they’re done and need to escape, and I have their back.
Meeting me, you may not know that because I am incredibly friendly and outgoing, but years of living with reserved people and loving them has given me a unique perspective and taught me more than any book ever could about these people who tend to be so very different than me.
So if you are an I personality, it’s perfectly fine to embrace your social nature and engage in activities that bring you joy. It’s probably the best way to show yourself love, but learn to be aware of others’ needs so you avoid draining their social batteries to charge yours, and you’ll find the most loyal and wonderful friends possible.
Moving onto the S personality, you are so very good at loving others, and that truly gives you joy and is a natural extension of loving yourself when you’re in balance, so if you find yourself feeling a bit of resentment, know you’re not in balance, and the sooner you change things, the better, although I know how difficult that can be for you.
I often go back to the drink while you pour metaphor with the S personality because I think it’s the best for your personality type, and when I think of that, it reminds me of those cascading fountains that pour from one metal leaf to another in descending fashion and then the pump brings the water back up from the pool at the bottom to replenish the flow. To me, that’s what an S personality in balance looks like. They’re pouring their love into others while giving that love to themselves also.
That means taking excellent care of their health, their mental well-being and their relationships without depleting themselves. I know that you would give everything for those you care about, but when you prioritize yourself along with everyone else, you give better to both, and you live in peace and tranquility, which suits you so very well.
That’s why a tiny boundary of carving out a little time to care for yourself each day is so very important, not just for you, but for the ones you care for most, and I’m not talking about basic self-care. A solo shower or trip to the grocery store may be a relief, but that’s the basics, lovely. I double dog dare you to give yourself five to fifteen minutes per day of “extra” and see how much better you get at loving yourself and others. Read a book. Color something. Take a short walk. Listen to music you love. Sit in silence, whatever works for you, and watch what it does for your energy and spirit. Report back with your findings after you do it for an entire month and be sure to stick around for the offer at the end of the podcast because you may need it more than any other personality type.
When it comes to the C personality, you love structure and order, and when you have it, you are positively blissful. As a wife, mother and/or business owner, when other people are involved, you know that your version of structure and order may not be what happens. If you’re in balance, you adapt and put structure and order in place where you can, and you learn to adapt for the important people in your life. Maybe not all of the time, but some of the time.
A C friend of mine posted something on social media that talked about not being able to enjoy the mess of their children or the idea that some day they’ll miss the messes their children make, and from my experience, most C women won’t miss that part of mothering. They may laugh about it, and their need to immediately tidy up after their children made a mess, but they don’t miss the mess, and that’s ok. Every personality type has something they won’t miss when they’re children grow up, but one of the things that being tidy and organized does for a C personality is that it gives them peace, which is true for most personality types. What’s special for the C personality type is that they actually get a ton of satisfaction from the process of cleaning and tidying and organizing, which is something this I woman admires so much.
Another thing I’ve seen C women in particular do is to carve out a space for themselves in their home that no one is allowed to go into, where they can have the structure and order they crave, and let them reset for the way they have to live outside that space. Like the S personality, a C personality may let things slide until they are out of balance, and then, everything feels like chaos, and that feels like disaster, but that’s when they can lean on others to help regain their balance, even though that’s difficult for them.
If you are a C personality and need to finish something quickly, you can lean on a D personality to help you discern what is important and what you can ignore or deal with later. D people are great at quickly assessing a situation and what is important, plus they’re task oriented like you so they understand the need to address tasks. You may need to negotiate a bit, but they will truly help you trim the fat, as they say, so you can be more productive and meet deadlines, and finishing well is a way to love yourself. Your attention to detail makes you shine. Being able to know how and when to use the massive amount of information you gather makes you a rockstar.
Like the S personality, it’s easy for you to overlook taking care of yourself, especially when you have so many other things and people to take care of, but remember to prioritize yourself in that process. Have a little fun so you can do your work better because a refreshed you is a powerhouse. I learned that from my high C sister in law because she would get lost in her work and forget to eat and take care of herself, which worked for her when she was younger, but it got to be much more difficult as she got older, and her body requires more attention and has less stamina. That’s a very difficult thing for a C personality, by the way, but the better you do at caring for yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, the healthier you’ll be for all the years of your life. Please pay attention because those that love you want you to stick around for a long time.
Want to really put everything we’ve talked about into action? Then I invite you to join the Self-Love challenge, which will be a journey of self-discovery, growth and unleashing your inner badass to create a life that delights you. Are you ready to take the leap? Go to the Moving Toward Better Website and click on the tab that says Join the Self-Love Challenge. We’ll get started on Monday February 5th, and I’m so excited to see where it takes us.
That’s why, in February, I’ll be running a special for couples, but you need to be on the email list to get the special discount, so head over to the Moving Toward Better website and sign up for the email list today to get that awesome discount. Also, if you’re an affiliate, I’ve got a special offer for you too in February, so you don’t want to miss that either.
So what should you do next? Go to the Moving Toward Better homepage and join our email community. There are so many wonderful things coming, and you’re not going to want to miss them. Sign up and find out what they are. Love you all!
February is the month of love, and learning to love yourself is a gift you can give yourself now and for the rest of your life. Ready to feel better in your own skin? Give a listen and get started on loving yourself better.
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Intro and Outro music licensed from Melody Loops.